Love affair is big affair because it affects us for a life time. We should not simply marry for fun, for sex or external pressure, unless we are truly in love with each other and God confirms that both of us are God’s chosen match made in heaven. Because sometimes at the best of courting time and even after marriage, we can be deceived by our erotic emotions or blinded by our bad experience or past wounds and lead us to imagine the worst case is rewinding again.
When we fall in love, we are controlled by our hormonal androphenes, creative side of the brain, high metabolism and sexual drive chemistry (testosterone levels in both men and women rises), where our logic goes down and our emotions goes up. However, be mindful that over indulgence in sex will produce excessive amounts of testosterone that will eventually impede the effects of love hormones, resulting in sex couples driven solely by their sex desires and cravings. When we fall in love, we have nice feeling of being cherished and bubbling with love until we cannot eat at day and sleep at night. The saying goes got love drinketh water can survive. However, sometimes love is seen as unspiritual if approached in the wrong way and making wrong decisions can affect us even more spiritually for life. So let’s make it spiritually right by allowing God to guide us into falling in love with our true love.
The word Love in Greek has 3 meanings. Eros Love is love of physical and biological attractions or simply call it love at first sight or ‘puppy love’, which may also leads to ‘doggy life’, because it is superficial in feelings and emotions and not from the true heart. Eros Love only helps attracts opposite sexes together in the beginning and make us ‘fall in love’.
On the other hand, Philio Love is based on friendship, where we know each other better through contact John: 13. 34. A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; even as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. It is more reliable and stable foundation of love and will last longer time. The 3rd type of love is Agape Love, which is based on commitment and pure love but not of the type of ‘good’ feelings and erotic and sexual relationships. It is like God’s love because God choose to still love us despite we are all sinners as proclaimed by Apostle John: 3. 16. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on him should not perish, but have eternal life. In the past, match making is the norm and many older couples still hold on to their marriage vows to the end, simply because of a strong commitment that since you are my wife or husband I will love you forever as depicted in 1 John: 4. 11. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. But today, we are exposed only to Eros Love and Philio Love. We need both Philio and Agape love to keep the marriages alive. But many of times, guys have ‘bad eyes’ and look for the wrong things at the right girl and therefore can’t find or be contented with a wife of their choice.
There are also many love seasons of life that couples go through. When courting, we are in Eros and Philio level of love. After a big fight when all the feeling and love have disappeared and weaknesses fully exposed and we are no longer ‘sweet’ and ‘honey bee’ anymore. In that situation, if the person still loves you because of a commitment, a vow and discipline to hold onto, it is due to Agape Love as advised in Ephesians: 5. 25. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it. Discipline makes Agape Love possible because it reflects the level of commitment towards each other. Whereas a undisciplined young men or women in general has questionable Agape Love.
And as the couple ‘ages like fine wine’, Eros Love and Philio Love start to decline after marriage. All couples will always fight and all our good feelings towards each other starts to disappear. In spite of these, Agape Love can help to hold each other together while we seek for marital help. How to bring back the Eros or Philio Love? we need to sow and put in commitment and dedication to each other and start loving each other like God choosers to love the sinners.
When seeking for marital or love advice, please seek from some one older instead of younger. Because the younger people are still exploring and guessing in their volatile love stages. Many good relationships are breaking up because there is no good third party to advise us or help reconcile. Sometimes a good relationship suffers a life time of tragedy because of one moment of pride or unforgiveness or a demonstration of anger and violance, which is a sin that is too luxurious to afford and resulting in a terrible price to pay for one life time in silence and perhaps even passing the same tragedy to our next generation. Therfore, we must learn to follow and walk in faith with sacrificial Love of Christ as depicted in Ephesians: 5. 2. and walk in love, even as Christ also loved you, and gave himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for an odor of a sweet smell.